Today I am not an existentialist. I love big ideas, philosophy, theology and pondering the big questions of life…. But what typically seeps into my life, like a tea-bag in the brew, are many life circumstances that provide a catalyst to see the world. God wants me to see how he sees, as I study Him.
This last year has been the most difficult of my life. Dreams have felt shattered, friends are not what they seemed, humiliation of life decisions haunt me daily, and questions bombard my character: “Are you sure you know what you are doing?” And I reply daily: “No. I don’t know….” I’m holding onto the “hem of the garment” that is what I am doing. Letting God hold me as I strive.
Several nights ago, as I sat on the edge of my daughter’s bed—much like I always do—I end my prayer for God to draw them to himself—to save them from themselves. And, just before I can slip out of the room, my 2yr old Norah asks me, “Daddy, please sing for us.” That question hangs in the air; in the lowlight—and I sigh a note from the twilight. She asked me to sing for her when my pain is a melancholy ache….
The curtains are drawn in the lowlight, but my heart is prodded for a song that I just don’t feel like singing. The tears glide down my face as they listen to my voice (as I listen to my voice): “I am weak but He is strong…. Yes, Jesus loves me.” Those words are heavy—yet light, as my many burdens and cares shift off my shoulders, then onto His.
I am not strong enough. I am not smart enough. I am not good enough to have all the answers…but I know the one who does and I read His inspired letters to me. My kids know where I run when life takes my breath away; they see me as the hero I often need myself. I am humbled and so glad that they ask me to sing to them! It reminds me that He sings over us too.
“The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”
When I cannot sing; he helps to sing. When I cannot walk; he heals the lame. When I have no strength; He is my portion. “Through Him let us continually offer up a SACRIFICE of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name.” (Heb. 13:15) Sacrifices are not the excitement of theme park, sacrifices are not the concert that causes me to rejoice…. Rather in the midst of pain, humiliation, and trial—a song can pass our lips and praise Him. By this, He makes us to know: HE STILL SINGS OVER HIS PEOPLE. “Yes, Jesus loves me…this I know.”